The story book ballots have been counted and the numbers show just how polarized the voracious picture book readers of this nation have become! Olivia the Pig eked out a narrow victory over the incumbent—Piggie from Elephant and Piggie, and the conservative coalition of three little pigs, suggesting Green Beaners are ready for a female pig on their bookshelf! Said the vivacious pig-elect of her coming term, “Don’t think just ‘cause I only wear red-stripes, I’m unwilling to hold out my hoof to the blues. Let’s get a few things done in this sty,” adding with a wink, “Sometimes your lucky tights are luckier than you thought.”
Establishment candidates the Sneaky Monkeys from Caps for Sale kept their seats, FOR ONCE, despite having been haunted by embezzlement allegations throughout their campaign. The Cap-Peddlers Union expressed disappointment at an evening rally, shaking their fingers and scolding, “These sneaky monkeys are really really bad for small business.” Polls suggest that despite the gorilla from Little Beauty’s choice of a fluffy kitten for second in command, voters just couldn’t get over the fact that he smashed that one TV. Despite having come in far behind the other monkeys, earning only six votes, Chico Bon Bon from Monkey with a Toolbelt is already macgyvering a 2016 victory.
And finally, America has re-elected its favorite monsters--The Wild Things--
in a landslide victory! Let’s get ready for four more years of the wild rumpus! Said equally wild but predictably pooped campaign manager Max, “Can I go home now?” And sailed away over a year and in and out of weeks and through a day and into the night of his very own room where he found his supper waiting for him and it was still hot. Pundits have speculated The Wild Things may find places for their challengers in their slimy, sharp-toothed, goofy, growly cabinet. Shrek for Secretary of State, and Bog Baby for Chief Sustainability Officer?
And that’s the way the cookie crumbles! Thanks for tuning in.